If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
