the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I will be naked everywhere
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
