I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it glows. i had to have it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
