So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
