Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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