I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
