Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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