I cannot find my penis.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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