She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
