I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
