Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize