Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
