I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
