yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize