Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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