I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
