she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Small penises have feelings too.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
