Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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