there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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