I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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