Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
