somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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