We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
