I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
