Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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