piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
