well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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