I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
