the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
