Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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