it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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