I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
