i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
