You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
