You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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