Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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