All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
