my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
whose parrot is this?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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