You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
