i think my tv is drunk
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
