Cold hands, warm shart.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
