im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
