just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
