She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
