I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
