I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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