did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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