It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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