Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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