at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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