I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
