Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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