1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
