there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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