No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
