I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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