May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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