i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
