If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
