walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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