Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
