No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
