i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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