She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
