One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
