Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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