RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need to calm my uterus...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
