shes about as inviting as chlamydia
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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