Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
