He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
