that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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