He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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