Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
