Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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