My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
