Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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